Do you know the feeling when you're a shitty human being, and you finally realize that you are a shitty human being? There's this indescribable emotion of guilt and hurt that will be stuck in your heart, reminding you everyday of the nonsense you've done and said. You cry and ask for forgiveness every single day, hoping that one day your prayers will be answered and you'll finally feel... relief.
And you're ready to start anew.
I feel really sad now because today is the last day of terawih for the month of Ramadan. It feels so quick and although I am immensely glad and thankful I managed to go to the mosque for most of the month, I still feel it isn't enough. I have not asked for forgiveness enough. I have not shown my gratitude enough because all this time, all I've done is whine and ask. I ask and ask without feeling thankful for what He has given me. I want to make it up to Him. I owe Him that much.
Because we don't know whether we would see the next Ramadan. Nothing is ever certain and that frightens me. The thought that I have not done enough and if everything were to come to an end, scares the crap out of me. I want to be ready and I want to be closer to Him. In Sha' Allah.
Salam early Eid to all.
*aggressively throws hearts*
