The tiring frustration,
The dreadful feeling of wanting to cry,
The painful grinding of teeth,
The thoughts,
The thoughts,
The thoughts.
Ah, my head hurts.
The reality of how two-faced, and selfish people can be
slapped me across the face today. I was made to question my worth, my
intelligence, my sanity and my entire appearance. Am I really worth a place in
society? Or am I just another one of those teens who lost their way and will not
be important enough to steer back into the right direction?
I’ve been thinking of what I am lately because I’ve been
feeling like I’m stuck in a limbo. Nothing is coming or going, nothing is
moving forward or backward. I’ve been suspended in time.
While I’m in this state, I didn’t realise how vulnerable I
am. People would use me and pit themselves against me to make themselves feel
better because I am no competition to them. As unfair and cruel as it sounds,
majority of people pit themselves against the weaker ones to boost their morale
before embarking on a bigger journey. The weaker ones are left there,
demoralised to nothing and never being able to move forward after being
continuously stepped on.
Why don’t I pick myself up and step right back? It’s because
I’m nothing. I realised that I’m nothing. There’s nothing more I can do. I’m
just cemented here while everyone figures themselves out.
Sometimes I question myself, why do I try so hard? Why do I
keep trying with my meager efforts when it’s bringing me nothing but hurt and
disappointment?
I’m at the limit of my abilities and it’s making me feel like I’m a waste of space.
