There's a certain image I wish to upkeep.
Fearless, nonchalant.
However, my foundations are getting shattered day by day, threatening to crumble and fall. In this game of reality, there's only me and other innocent parties left. Everyone involved changed their phone numbers and ran away from life whereas I refused to.
Why should I give in to people I have no connections with? Just because they are causing a nuisance to my life? Causing a nuisance to others' lives? It takes so much more than that for me to give up my identity.
Everyone could do it but I have too much at stake to give up my life for a future of isolation, seclusion and solitude.
I can't do that anymore.
I have a life now, I have friends now, I have school and an impending job now.
I can't lose them when I've only just grown into the world.
But I'm getting fearful. They're starting to scare me.
How dare they make me afraid.
It'll be so easy, too easy to just leave and severe all ties. Although the fact that I'll be looked at like a pariah afterwards does not settle well with me.
I'm really at a loss. I don't know what to do.
Wednesday, 23 August 2017
Friday, 18 August 2017
Whistles from freedom
"Our finals are over! Guess who's calling?"
"Freedom!"
And I felt it. The whistles and sweet lulls of it calling me from beyond the classroom doors but the moment I stepped out, my right hand trembling in aches from the deduction of law cases, I expected the calls to surround me, the excitement to fill me.
But it evades me.
Like the fool that I was, I fell into the siren song and what greeted me beyond the four walls were my reality. It embraced me with inky darkness muttering words of welcome and invaded my senses 'till every single positive thought I had dissipates into the void.
My new perspective fought her hardest against it, encouraging me to be okay and to be strong but how do I do that when all my five senses were overwhelmed with the dread of going back into what my own personal hell was?
I snapped at my mother, giving her a glimpse of what dwells within me and she cried for me, for what I've become. I cried for myself, crying for the girl who I really was because it'll take strength and so much more to win the war against the nemesis.
The day was sunny but I felt bone-chilling cold seep through my bones, along with the outburst of pain I've withheld since the start of final exams, gushing forward excitedly to claim what it missed the most.
My soul.
"Freedom!"
And I felt it. The whistles and sweet lulls of it calling me from beyond the classroom doors but the moment I stepped out, my right hand trembling in aches from the deduction of law cases, I expected the calls to surround me, the excitement to fill me.
But it evades me.
Like the fool that I was, I fell into the siren song and what greeted me beyond the four walls were my reality. It embraced me with inky darkness muttering words of welcome and invaded my senses 'till every single positive thought I had dissipates into the void.
My new perspective fought her hardest against it, encouraging me to be okay and to be strong but how do I do that when all my five senses were overwhelmed with the dread of going back into what my own personal hell was?
I snapped at my mother, giving her a glimpse of what dwells within me and she cried for me, for what I've become. I cried for myself, crying for the girl who I really was because it'll take strength and so much more to win the war against the nemesis.
The day was sunny but I felt bone-chilling cold seep through my bones, along with the outburst of pain I've withheld since the start of final exams, gushing forward excitedly to claim what it missed the most.
My soul.
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