Angry tears

Please.

Please stop making me feel hopeless.

Please stop making me feel helpless. 

Thoughts and words.

I woke up and freaked out over the dream I had. I didn't think I would fall asleep so late in the afternoon but I had a tiring week and I was so tired and there's so much.. thoughts in my head.

This morning, mom had a long.. 'conversation' (one-sided no doubt) with me. Telling me that I was too lazy and I should take care of myself. I should not behave the way I am behaving now, saying that I am the only one in the family that's behaving 'lazily'. I should be embarrassed and reserved with the way I dress because certain things going on with my body are not meant to be shown.

She said the men and her are finding my habits an eyesore and I'm not doing anything for the house.

She also laid out my future telling me that even if I were to move out, no one will take me in because I am so lazy and I won't contribute squat. She also predicted that I will move out of the house.

She also stated,

"Sometimes I ask myself what is the thing that is important to you."

At that point of time, I was in a daze, and confused that I was being scolded out of the blue and so early in the morning. I didn't know what was the most important thing in my life.

Then, after waking up from that nap, I realised.

It was to ensure I do not lose my sanity.